What happens when an issue that really matters is ignored because of who it is that makes the point? You’ve probably heard the phrase, “don’t kill the messenger.” 

Let’s start with a simple example from our homes. How many times did I tell my kids to do something that never got done? The minute someone else told them, it was the most brilliant idea ever. Or what about when my husband gave me a message that didn’t land right, but the minute a girlfriend told me the same thing, it made all the sense in the world.

Maybe killing the message because of the messenger isn’t such a great idea!

I’ve seen it many times in work environments. There may be a team member that isn’t as well liked as another, or maybe are currently on your S-List. The message may be great and even add to something to the workplace but if the messenger isn’t liked, their point won’t go far. 

Have you ever found yourself killing a message because of the messenger?

I feel like this is a time to get honest with ourselves. The truth is that we’ve all probably done it at some point. I started a list for myself of the times I killed the message because of my history with the messenger. 

So, what do we do about this?

STEP 1:

Create a column with three lines. On the first line, write ME. On the second column, put MESSAGE. On the third column, put MESSENGER. 

STEP 2:

Write the message in the middle column. If it’s useful, put something over the ME and MESSENGER side. Get curious about the message. What’s useful about it? What serves? What is an important takeaway from the message?

STEP 3:

Feel free to write under the ME column. What do you know about the impact to YOU from this message? Does what you wrote in the middle make sense? I sometimes ask myself if it passes the “common sense” test. 

STEP 4:

Go to the MESSENGER column. As you reflect on this MESSENGER, notice what comes up for you. Write down your reflections and thoughts in that column. Are they different than the ME column? Where are the connections? Where are the disconnections? There can be a lot of wisdom in this reflection.

STEP 5:

This is an opportunity to look at this process—your observations, learnings and ultimately, where you choose to go with the message. About 80% of the time, the message can be useful and have a gold nugget or two. By breaking it down into columns, we can separate the message from the messenger. Imagine what we may have missed if we hadn’t done it this way!

You may not always have time to put a message into columns. That’s OK. This new awareness will help you process much quicker. 

I’d love to hear about your experience with messages and messenger!

Keep SHINING in Your Brilliance!