Recently, one of my clients has been struggling with both professional and personal relationships. As we found clarity around what was happening, it became clear that this was primarily around expectations. The client was expecting certain responses or behaviors from colleagues, friends and family. This has escalated to a point where tempers were flaring, conversations were being shut down and, quite frankly, my client was miserable. We continued digging in a little deeper and came up with four key strategies to help navigate this situation. They’ve been so useful, that I thought it might be helpful to share them with you too.

• You can’t fix it (situation, opinion, etc.). 

In fact, bigger than that, it’s not yours to fix. Each of us has a journey and part of that journey is learning to navigate our own challenges. Empowering others is often the best gift we can give them.

• Let go of control.  

So many times we try and control everything. We make up that if we can control it, we have control and we won’t be hurt, disappoint, let down… fill in the blank with an emotion that resonates for you. The truth is, we aren’t really in control. Yes, there are things we can do within our scope. However, sometimes things happen beyond what we can control. In particular, when there are two people involved, we cannot control the other person—that, my friends, is manipulation. I don’t know about you, but being known as a manipulator is probably not at the top of a “friends with this characteristic wanted” list.

• It’s not personal. 

How many times do we take things personally? A LOT. In the work I do, personalization about situations is one of the biggest belief systems to address. Things like, I must have done something, it’s all my fault, if I hadn’t done this… you get the idea.

• You have the power of choice.

Choice matters. In fact, it’s everything when we are dealing with our mindset and how we show up in the world. We have a choice of how to respond, which direction to go, what we want to speak and more. The choices we make have an impact on the environment and relationships we want to create.

I invite you to think about a place where you have high expectations. Get curious about what is driving this expectation. Now get curious about the other person involved with this expectation. Try applying one or all of the strategies above. What is it that you can’t fix? What does letting go of control look like? What are the ways you’ve made it personal and what does it look like when you take the personal out of it? What will you choose moving forward?

I would love to hear about your experience with this. Do you have other strategies you use to navigate expectations? Is there a special permission you want to give yourself as you navigate expectations for yourself and others?