One of my clients was working on having better focus at work. This client struggled with distractions from colleagues all the time. She felt like she was constantly putting out fires and said, “I need to stop being a firefighter.”

When she said that to me, I had to put on the full armor of self-management because there was this little voice in my head saying, um, Deb, maybe you need to stop being a firefighter. As the client and I sorted through this to get clarity around her firefighting, three things became clear:

• People saw the client as “the fixer”—the one who solved the problems.
• The client tended to put others before herself, even if this meant sacrificing personal time or projects.
• The client was deriving some of her self-worth with this firefighting ability and relating her value and importance to the “doing” of things.

While there is value in being able to problem solve and make things happen, there is a line that gets crossed when we lose ourselves.

Firefighters have great training and wisdom when it comes to containing and putting out fires. They have tools, strategies and training to effectively address fires. Different fires call for different tools and strategies. This is where good training is paramount. They know when to set different boundaries and lines. They also know that teamwork is not just nice—it’s essential. The amount of trust and reliance on each other is incredible. I have the absolute highest respect for firefighters and I am acutely aware of all those fighting the wildfires right now.

What can we learn here? I offer these key five insights:

• Working as a team is more effective than working alone. Yes, there are moments that an individual job needs to be done and it is also part of a larger job or project.
• Empowering others matters. If we constantly step in to “fix it,” the other individual will never learn how to do the job. Providing mentoring and guidance is different than fixing. Applying a little grace and patience may help in this area. I often think of being a parent. Empowering is what provides the opportunity for the littles to go out on their own.
• Boundaries are key. What are you saying yes and no to? If you say yes to taking on someone else’s problem, what are you saying no to? Often this is where the personal time gets compromised.
• The “doing to get” approach around self-worth is actually destroying people’s inner confidence. Our “way of being” in the world relates to core values and who we are. What if we took time to build our worth on who we are instead of how many times we can work 18 hour days? I know it’s a mindset shift, especially in the US, and I also know it’s possible.
• Getting focused and getting rid of the constant fires usually leads to more satisfaction, contentment and fulfillment.

As I reflect on the end of my client’s coaching session, she came up with three key strategies to put into practice:

1. When someone came to her with a “fire,” she would begin with curiosity questions: what have you identified as the key problem? What’s missing from the solution? How can I mentor you through solving this situation?
2. If the “fire” potentially required a piece of time from the client, she would be very clear about what she was saying yes to and what she would be saying no to. She even took it to the point of writing it down so she could be clear about her decision and what she was committing to.
3. The client started working on her core values and “way of being” (think building self-worth) journal. She committed to spending 5-10 minutes a day during her coffee time to capture her thoughts, what was important to her and reflections on how she was showing up in the world.

A spark can go many ways. May the spark you ignite be one of awareness, self-care, self-compassion, setting boundaries, believing in yourself and acting with intention. I believe in you.